FAMILY TIES GROW WITH INTERNET

I've been cruising the Internet with my 20-year-old nephew thisweek, and I'm learning a lot more about my nephew than I am about theInternet.

No, that's not quite right.

Actually, I'm learning more about myself than anything else.

My nephew, Zach, is my oldest sister's son. He was born whenCandy was 23 and I was 13. Thirteen is a pretty self-absorbed age,and I wasn't much interested in what my sister was doing or in thatnew baby.

Candy and I grew closer over the years a 10-year age differenceseems smaller in your 20s and 30s than it does in your teens butZach and I have never spent much time together.

I'd see him at Christmas and other holidays. We'd chat and laugha bit. But really, our lives barely brushed one another.

I remember a time when Dad thought Zach, then 6 or 7 years old,had stolen a handful of change from the den of our house.

Dad never confronted Zach, never used the incident as aspringboard for learning and communicating. Dad simply stoppedpaying much attention to Zach. Sadly, the rest of the familyfollowed Dad's lead.

I always worried about Zach, worried that he had been unfairlydistanced from the rest of us all over a few missing coins that Dadhad probably misplaced.

My worries were misplaced.

This week, I discovered Zach has gone on to create a full andinteresting life. The rest of us are the ones who lost something.

Family dynamics baffle me. I puzzle over the unspoken forces thatwould let an entire family cut off one of its members.

Candy, of course, has maintained a strong mother-son relationshipwith Zach. The rest of us, though, know little about the boy who hassince turned into a man.

Then an opportunity arose. Candy, who lives in Switzerland andworks as a troubleshooter for a computer company, had to travel toDetroit for a conference.

She arranged to fly from there to Portland so we could have a weekto visit before she returned to Switzerland.

She also arranged to have Zach fly up from his home in Davis,Calif., to spend the week with us.

I was a bit apprehensive at first. I knew so little about him,and I wasn't sure what to expect.

Zach and I talked briefly on the phone to arrange airport pickupschedules, and then I waited to see what would come.

He strolled off the plane, dressed in a leather trench coat, hisshoulder-length hair flapping in the breeze. He looked confident andsecure.

That was Feb. 24, and he stayed until Thursday, a total of aboutsix days.

The first few days were tentative, a few family anecdotes, somesmall talk and shared moments.

Then he decided to take things into his own hands.

He bought a bunch of software and a book, "The Internet StarterKit," and then hooked me up to the Internet, via Teleport.

We sat side by side, him dictating lots of computer-speakcommands: "Now type in telnet iris-dot-mother-dot-com,'" he wouldinstruct patiently. Or, "No. That's not right. Hit control H' ifthe delete key doesn't work."

I learned about Fetch and Gopher, about Netscape and the WorldWide Web. More important, I got to know a gentle, helpful man who ismy nephew.

He runs a computer service where he lives, in Davis, and he hashooked me up to it so we can chat electronically.

Ah, technology.

Who knew that the Internet would help me find my family.

Brian Willoughby writes a column every other Sunday, alternatingwith fellow Columbian reporter Tom Vogt.